I've opened up that can of worms, and it's something I haven't explored in a while. I've been busy with finishing my first semester of grad school, planning a move, and of course working overtime. I wrote several papers regarding something extremely personal. Abuse is something I have experienced and only half dealt with, but I think I'm doing a pretty decent job of leading a normal life. (Normal, what is normal anyway, except for that which no one obtains?) When I stayed with my mom and my sister the week before I moved to Charlotte, the old physical memories of dread, fear, and dirtiness popped up regularly. I had a very hard time putting those feelings aside while I dealt with the immediate issues of life.
Now I'm sitting here reflecting on why I am so self sufficient (read: stubborn and unwilling to look vulnerable, even in a toilet fixing capacity). Shit, I'm just stubborn and sealed off from living the way I strive to. It's like trying to touch fog - you are, but you're not. I seem to be living a life in limbo. However, now I have the time to work on it - and I have the reasons for change. I am not living with the people who have known me since childhood. I'm in a new city with a million new people to meet. Perhaps I can do a little meaningful blossoming while I'm here. Whaddya know? A new door opens . . . .
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To replace a toilet handle: Unlike most threaded objects which tighten clockwise, and loosen counterclockwise (this only works with an analog clockface. Digital clocks has no concept of being wise and are therefore used by foolish people.) the handle on the toilet release valve is the opposite. Having learned this the hard way,I pass on wisdom to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd also Jess, it is true that you carry scars from past hurts. But you are not a scar. Being scarred and being a scar are two different things. (I know this sounds like hackneyed self-help, Dr. Phil sort of stuff) Be you. Don't drink yourself away from you. You're not living a life in limbo (which is a defunct Roman Catholic teaching about the eternal whereabouts of unbaptized infants). You're living your life. Keep in touch. Thomas
I gave you an award on my blog. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I celebrate the return of Jessie to our blogging sessions. Jessie, dear, you have been missed!
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