Oh my, it's been both the longest and shortest month of my life. Though the move to Charlotte has been a smooth transition (relatively speaking), I still find myself in a state of upheaval. Foster and I drove down Monday night, after a weekend in Vegas with my sister and her friend Heather. Our drive took us about 2 hours longer than usual and was littered with doggie potty stops, snack stops, and doggie drink stops. Mentally it took twice as long as usual, and by the time we got to our new home, I wanted to hibernate for about a week. And in a way, I have. However, the move is not much compared with other issues I've had this week.
Apparently I have a quality that most other women hate: confidence. I never noticed that confidence inspired feelings of intimidation, fear, or hatred in other women. I'm just me, and while people tell me I exude confidence, I don't feel it most of the time. There's a difference (and I'm sure you can vouch for this as well), between how one feels on the inside and how others see themselves. I don't think others notice that I'm not as secure as what they perceive me to be. Since I've come here, I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to comments or if I'm being judged more. It seems as though my outer armor is being attacked by people who feel as though they can just shoot comments my way - because I seem to be more secure than I actually am? Interesting.
On the other hand, maybe society as a whole has just reached a point where the recipient's feelings don't matter. Perhaps it's that the sayer simply must say what's on their mind and to hell with the consequences. I don't know, maybe I'm jaded, but I don't like that thought, and I don't like the feeling of being the recipient. Hmmm. Is this a case of karma? Have I acted that way in the past? Now that I'm unemployed (temporarily - I start my new job Monday), is this a time for deeper reflection. And perhaps a class in real self esteem.
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I'm glad you're back to the blog! I'm glad you made the move in one piece, and found a job. What are you going to be doing?
ReplyDeleteYou do appear to be extremely confident, nothing wrong with that. If others don't like it, it's their problem. Good luck with the transition. I hope you get settled in quickly.
I'm a first generation Yankee. All the women in my family are from the deep south. Never in my life have I encountered another group of women that can offend so completely under the guise of observation and/or backhanded compliment.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with it and didn't realize it until I was well married. It's a hell of a transition to deal with, on the other hand, I learned a hell of a lot from those unfeeling comments the women in the family made; if nothing more than how others perceive my actions. It taught me to weigh how important each individual's perception was to me, and if it was something I wanted to do differently in my life.
A rather brutal method of forced introspection, enjoy the ride and know that there is likely no malice - only ingnorance of manners.